some news

I know it's been awhile and I'm not sure how much longer it will be but for an update on what's been going on with us you can catch up here


Journey to Baby Z

Getting Fit

I invite you all to join me in this little adventure as I work to get fit. I have somehow managed to gain 16 some odd pounds since starting our fertility journey. I'm a fat? No not by any means, but I'm also not comfortable. I am not happy in my own skin right now. I have reached a weight that I thought I would like to reach, and yet I find myself unhappy and very unattractive. I have decided that I wouldn't might keeping the scale number if I can somehow tighten it up. This had led me to pulling out my Carmen Electra Fit to Strip DVD's and gasp..even the 30 day shred. I must admit I pulled out these videos and did them for a week...a mere 5 days, and I was over it. I worked my little bottom off every day after work, ate better, and dealt with the soreness that came with it. I skipped one day and this quickly turned into a week of not working out. I am not proud of this and as this weekend draws to an end I'm ready to get back on track.

This brings me to my new found love for Bethenny Frankel. While I knew she wrote the Skinny girl books I never really liked her. The reason escapes me now, but I once saw her on an interview and she annoyed me so I decided not to like her. That changed when her new show Bethenny Getting Married came on which lead me to "like" her facebook page, which lead me to discover the Skinny girl Margarita which I then lead me to her website and then her books. A quick look a her website I discovered her recipes were pretty straight forward and didn't include sugar substitutes! This was MAJOR considering my Hungry Girl cookbook did include this. One of her first recipes that I came across was the Healthy Brown Rice Breakfast. As I read the recipe I began to drool...ok not really but pretty dang close. I shared the recipe with B when he got home and on Sunday afternoon I went out and grabbed everything I needed for it. I have found the video of it online and have included it so that you too can drool on it! I just packed my breakfast for tomorrow morning so hopefully it will be a hit! I skipped the vanilla it called for and opted for vanilla soy milk instead. I will update tomorrow evening to let you know how it went!




Speaking of Bethenny she also just released a new yoga dvd that I can't wait to get my hands on! Do I sound like a spokesperson for her yet lol. I hope that she is much kinder then Jillian Michaels!

Since I'm trying to get motivated and in shape I invite you to join me! I'm always looking for someone to help get me going and check in to keep things moving! As you can see on my own I'm no good at all! I will never fit into my dream Christmas dress if I start up a week and then stop for a week at a time!

Before I end this post for the night I wanted to share with ya'll that I am currently working on starting up another blog that will include all things fertility and hopefully at some point soon turn into my baby blog. After much thought I have decided I would like this blog to just be an outlet for Family, baking, crafting, and everyday stuff and not include all things baby. So look for that to start up soon!

Hope everyone had a safe and happy three day weekend! I can't believe fall is just around the corner! I feel good things are in store!

It's been awhile....

A long while. So pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and lets chat. Life currently has me busy. I work all day, and come home at night and try to play little Ms. Housewife. I am so busy that I don't have time for my anxiety. Sure it shows up, but it gets pushed away with everything else going on in my life right now. We are still trying for our forever baby. Next month we will finally be able to move on to IUI, but with that comes injections. I've had some practice the past two cycles, but this time around there will be injections every night. I pray we will be blessed and get our forever baby soon. I'm not sure how much my poor body can go through.

Since I am now working the kids are spending their summer in child care. Lucky for them they get to go on field trips at least 2-3 times a week. It's a much happier summer for them then what they had last year. School starts three weeks from Tuesday for them. I can't believe Anthony will be in the 6th grade and Kobe in the 4th. Where in the world has time gone?

Bryan and I are doing amazing. He is my rock, and more then I could ever ask for. We actually got away from the kids last night and had a date night! These come few and far in between, but when they happen we take advantage! Last night we tried out a Mexican restaurant, and went to see the movie Grown-ups! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Now for the status of this blog. I thought long and hard about whether I was going to keep this blog going or get rid of it all together. I have decided to keep it going, and just make much more of an effort to keep up with it. I'm not sure where it will go. I miss baking so I plan to post a to bake list and get started on that again. I've also looked into taking a cake decorating class. Also, sometime in the near future I hope to start decorating my house so you will get some of that, and I'm still up in the air about how much fertility detail I will go into here. I've not been one to hide what's going on with us, but I'm not sure how much you want to read. However since I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts you might hear a little more then you want.

Thanks for being patient with my long absence...I promise to be around much more! After all fall is right around the corner and we all know how much I love the fall!

Change

It has been a long while since my last post...stay tuned for a new look and feel...will be back soon!

# 4 Find a Job

Tomorrow I start my third week at work! The day I started work was exactly 15 months from when Bryanna passed away, and a day shy of 15 months since I had quit my last job. Going back was hard...especially that day. Now, three weeks later it was a good choice. I love having extra money to shop with, and love to get out of the house daily and do something useful. The kids are settled in after school care, and summer vacation care is paid for. I'm working for a mortgage company, and so far I love it. I do tons of normal office duties, and learn more everyday. I love not having to go to work and change diapers, and actually having a big girl job! Now, if I could just motivate myself to come home and work out I would be good lol. I'm worried that with this job and sitting all day I'm going to gain weight! I must find some healthy snacks to keep at my desk! Ideas are welcome! I also need to learn how to balance my house work! It seems as if I can never catch up on laundry, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is cook dinner! Hopefully as the days go on and I get more into a routine I can fall back into a home routine as well!

Let Go

Today I come to you stressed and anxious. I hadn't planned on posting anything today which is why I left you with the Wordless Wednesday post. I have been feeling sick again lately. I'm not even sure if sick is the right words since I know almost certainty it is in my head. You see I suffer from anxiety. This is something that is about a year old. Well, that's not really true...the anxiety has been around for years, but how extreme it is is fairly new. I have been doing good for the past 3 months, and while that doesn't seem like a long time to most..the severity that it was means that this is a huge step for me. However with the changes that life has brought my way recently I feel myself sinking back into it. My best fried of 7 years just moved away (I have shared this with you), and for the first time in 15 months I am going back to work. I'm a little on edge since it's a new position in something I have never done before! While this is an exciting time it's bringing about change to my life. I find myself nervous because it makes me wonder if we have to put TTC on hold. As I mentioned in a previous post my doctor can't get me in for a new appointment until July. I wonder if when I can get in will I be able to go to the appointments as needed. My new employers know about us TTC and my doctors appointments, and they have been approved. Still I worry.

While I'm being honest with you, I should mention that we haven't been to church in almost a year. While we did attend service on Easter while we were in Texas, we haven't been to our home church since Father's Day. After we lost Bryanna we were really good about going weekly. I needed questions answered and I needed to speak to God and felt the closest place to do so was in church. We were doing so good, but then we missed one mass and that turned into two and before we knew it a month passed, and now almost a year. I'm not happy about these turn of events. I feel like I need God in my life. After Bryanna's passing I wasn't angry with him I just (like i mentioned) had questions. I feel that now the anxiety is taking over again and I'm worry about when and if we will conceive it's time to put my life in his hands again.

I have to admit..while I'm sitting in church I feel so lost. I get lost in the language and my mind wonders. I don't know how to avoid this, but I vow to do better. Last year while we were going into church I found myself interested in watching Fireproof. One of the songs from the movie caught my attention and I feel it's suitable for this situation as well.



I realize this entire process is out of my hands, and sometimes that is hard to admit! I also realize I need to gain patience which to be honest I have none. What little I did have at one time flew out the window last year. I was given some advice not to long ago, let release my worries to God. **Thanks Amber** Complete with that advice she left behind a quote that I find very inspirational.

Psalm 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your path.

I will also leave you with a picture I came across just now that also spoke to me.



***just realized this says I feel to my knees instead of I fell to my knees...eh it gets the point across anyway.***

Wordless Wednesday - Family

Family Photos

I believe it's time for a new family photo. Our last one was taken 3 years ago. I had planned on holding out until we had the baby, but after she passed away we put it on hold even longer. I then wanted to wait until we had a new baby, but as we are closely approaching the 4 year mark from our last family photo I feel now is the time. Our last photo session was in Hawaii. The pictures turned out beautiful...







Do you see how little my boys were! They were babies! I now have big boys on my hands. I often don't realize how big they have gotten until I look at old pictures of them. In these pictures Bryan and I weren't even married yet! Since then the closest to a family picture we have gotten is...



This picture was taken in October, and luckily we all looked decent in it. I have been searching photos online, but I have no idea where to start. Since we did a "scenic" portrait last time I'm thinking it may be nice to go studio this time around. I mean do we wear the same colors again? We got some slack on that last time, but isn't that what people do? I also don't want cheesy studio pics I want something creative and cute. This is the reasoning behind doing photos on location in the past. I know of a place down the street that has amazing reviews, but after looking at his prices he seems a bit pricey. How much do you even pay for family photos? In the past I have paid a lot, but being in Hawaii I thought it was normal. I would rather not go to a studio like Penney's or Sears, and go to someone who does it on their own. I know I'm looking at higher prices this way though...I guess it's time to start getting serious and looking around for somewhere.

Today

Today I sat around all morning and didn't get a thing accomplished. Today I got up around 11ish from the couch and started cleaning my house, making a grocery list, did two loads of laundry and baked some cookies.



Today is my last Monday off for who knows how long. Today I feel somewhat better after being sick Saturday night and all day Sunday. Yesterday I promised myself no more sushi for a long time...if ever again. Yesterday I vegged all day feeling sick and sorry for myself. Today I am on CD2, and just found out I can't get another appointment until July. Today I am a little stressed out because the doctor is allowing me to do a cycle of clomid not monitored. Today I should have gone to the grocery store this morning, but instead I'm going in just a few minutes. Today I realized I miss my best friend, and that being a military family really does suck sometimes. Today I managed to post an entire blog with almost every sentence beginning with today.

What did you do today?

This is the last...

You will hear about is she or isn't she pregnant for awhile. The answer is...No, I'm not. I went out and spent another $15 on test....let's not discuss the things I could have done now with that money instead. Seeing "Not Pregnant" was a whole lot easier then deciphering lines! I'm ok with these results though. Something about the Not making it more final for this month. The lines and the could there be a line really there truly just stinks. I have decided that digital's will be the only way to go from now on. Yes, they are more expensive, but worth my sanity in the end!

Anyway on to other things! Last month I won a giveaway to a blog I read. Women Who Do It All was hosting a giveaway by The Vintage Pearl. Check out both websites they are pretty cool, and the Vintage Pearl has lots of cool things! I had a pretty hard time deciding what I wanted. The necklace that I had wrote down I wanted I decided it would go along with way too many questions, and I just wasn't sure I wanted to deal with that every time I wore it. So I combined two of my favorites can this is what I came up with...





My pictures don't do it justice! It really is just beautiful! The words "you are worth it all" are very significant, they serve as a reminder that everything we are currently going through to get our forever baby will be worth it all one day. Our baby will be worth all the pain of these months of BFN, tears, medications, and weight gain. This necklace came in at a perfect time, and as soon as I got it I put it on to remind myself that it will be OK. One day I will wear this necklace as well when I'm holding on to our forever baby.

I was also in for a huge honor tonight! My best friend Karen called and asked if I wanted to be her son Noah's Godmother. Of course I accepted. It breaks my heart that I can not be there for his baptism on Saturday, but I will do everything in my power to be the best Godmother to him! Now I have to do some shopping to buy him a little cross necklace! I'm so excited about this, and can't wait to plan a visit to see my new little Godson again!

This weekend will most likely find us busy. The kids have a soccer game in the morning, and tomorrow night I'm going out with a friend for Sushi and drinks. Sunday I get to have a girls day of shopping, and somewhere I have to find time to bake and update you guys on all the goings on! I have actually enjoyed updating my blog the past 3 days, so you might just get more of me after all!

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Ode to the Evaporation Line

I struggled for a long time about whether I wanted to go here with this blog. My deciding factor was to go for it. I decided that trying to have a baby is a huge part of my life, and if I leave out that concept you might never get a feel for who I really am. With that being said I do not plan on this blog primarily being used for an outlet of my TTC frustrations.

However today you WILL here my frustrations on TTC. I'm about 14 days past ovulation, and today is 2 weeks from the date of my trigger. My Dr. told me to test today, and after yesterdays negative result I wasn't sure I was going to test today. However about 10am I got the urge to go to the bathroom and couldn't help myself. I took the test and again saw nothing. This led me to pulling apart the test and again nothing. I tossed it in the trash broken and all. Two hours later I find myself back in the bathroom fishing through the trash. It is not without guilt that I share this with you. However as I pulled out the test my heart skipped a beat as I saw a very very light pink line. Of course 2 hours after taking the test I can't be sure if it was a positive test that took a little longer then the allowed 2 mins I gave it, or if it was an dreaded evaporation line!

Of course not knowing which it was I pulled out my camera...



which then lead me to do this...



and this...



and of course this...



I guess if AF doesn't show up in the next few days I will take a digital test and confirm...did I mention I'm obsessed.

I Would Die For That

Sad

Today I am sad. I can't even begin to express how much today sucks. I know I have once again been MIA, but this past month has had me running around from place to place. We got home from Texas about three weeks ago, and since then I have been spending time with my best friend Karen, and her little boys. Today Karen moved away. This is one thing that sucks about being a military family. You get close to people, and eventually they move away. Karen and I met oh about 7 years ago when we were suffering in the lodge in Hawaii. We were both awaiting military housing, and after long days in the hotel room we would meet up outside at night time where she would smoke and we would talk. Later we would meet up a few times around base before finally exchanging phone numbers. There was no looking back at that time we became best friends. She was my shopping buddy, my shoulder to lean on, and my best friend! I saw her through two births, and she saw me through the death of my angel. I don't know where I would have been this past year without her around to listen to me. It's going to suck not being able to hang out with her, or pick up my home phone whenever I want to chat. A 3 hour time difference is a big deal after all. Luckily I'm already plotting a little trip out to visit with her when she gets settled, and I get settled into my new job.

Today also sucks, because it seems as if though I'm managed yet again to fail at yet another medicated cycle. I really felt this was it. I mean really how many pills, and injections does a person have to take before getting a baby. Teenagers have children daily, and yet I want a child so bad and it just won't happen! Seeing a negative pregnancy test hurts so much...and each time I look at one I feel like it is doing this to me...



Yeah I know...really nice and mature, but it's like the damn thing is mocking me. What's the point of getting your hopes up and going out to spend money on a damn obsession of peeing on sticks anyway? What could I be doing with that money instead? Well for starters I could have bought the new Candace Bushnell book yesterday instead. I could happily be sitting here reading instead of being tortured and having taken two test today just to see the same result (refer to eff you pregnancy test above).

So considering the fact that I have no best friend here, and no pregnancy to speak of, it's time that I get my house organized. I mean after all I should be starting a new job in about a week and a half. I should get this house in order so the weeks are much less stressful on me. I should also get back to working on my cross stitch project since I have decided I in fact am going to do my kitchen in a vineyard theme. I mean since I have grown fond of wine and all.

What's for dinner?

If your family is anything like mine then you are constantly hearing "What's for Dinner?" If you are anything like me you write up a grocery list and then forget what you were planning to make. I had recently switched over to typing up a list and sticking it on the fridge. I would then cross of the meals as I went. The only issue with this is my husband somehow got it in his head that the meals would be made in order of how they were listed. Also let's be honest...the white paper taped to my fridge wasn't exactly pretty. A few weeks ago as I was doing my morning routine of looking through blogs I ran across an idea that I knew would work for me!

This little craft was fairly cheap. I bought a small book for scrapbook paper, 2 packs of magnet sheets, and some double sided tape. The "laminated" look on the magnets comes from packing tape! I was a little worried it would look cheesy and cheap but it actually looks really good! I had started this project about two weeks ago, but when it was time for me to do actual measuring for the dinner tiles I put it away. I finally pulled it out Sunday night and went to work. It was actual extremely easy! I measured out 1 tile and then used it as a stencil for the other 30 tiles. I ended up using 5 different sheets of scrapbook paper, but only because I wanted more of a variety. You could easily use 1 or 2 different sheets instead. I finished up the craft yesterday morning while watching TV, and here is the finished product!







Notice how the weekend says we are eating out! Well it's not because I'm a lazy cook, but because we will be on the road! The kids start Spring Break on Monday and so we are off to...




TEXAS!! We are excited since we haven't been home in 2 years! We aren't looking forward to the drive, but being home again will be nice! I seriously can't wait, but still have so much to do to be ready for this trip!

Spring Cleaning

It's time to do some spring cleaning. While it's still chilly outside my house is begging for a scrub down. Every corner of my house is crying for attention. My house and my brain are screaming for organization! I NEED some sort of schedule something that I can follow daily and get things done, because lets face it most days this is me...



I'm not proud of this transition, and while my house is cleaned daily it's not as clean or as organized as I would like. However perhaps with a schedule...a reminder of things that need to be done I would be more likely to do them. Now I will say I have tried a routine with laundry and well it didn't work out so well, but in my defense laundry needs to be a daily chore, and can't necessarily be broken up into laundry days.



It is possible that if I could figure out a routine with washing ok not really washing more like FOLDING the laundry a lot of my issues would be cleared up. However truth be told who actually likes folding and putting away laundry? Luckily a good friend sent me a link to a Daily Schedule that she follows, and what do you know doing a load of laundry every morning is on the list!

I took a quick glace a the list from Happy Housewives, and realized not only was the list easy but it was doable for me! It's a quick easy list and hits all the important stuff! The Daily Schedule gives you a list of things to do daily as well as things to do during the week, on the weekends, monthly and seasonally! It's is such a great list to go by!

Here is the daily list to give you an idea:

Every Day

* Make the bed as soon as you wake up.
* Wash up—do your make-up, throw on some jeans and a tee.
* Wipe down the bathroom counter when you leave the bathroom in the morning. Wipe mirrors, my kids always spit toothpaste onto them, I keep Windex wipes under the sink.
* Do a load of laundry, every morning, fold it, and put it away as soon as it’s dry. If you leave the clothes in the dryer, they’ll wrinkle and you’ll have to iron.
* Get the kids off to school and immediately straighten up the kitchen
* Sit for a few minutes and meditate, pray, stretch.
* Do that day’s chores: Vacuum, bathrooms, dusting.
* When the kids come home from school, collect their hats, coats, and shoes and put them away. After first grade, start to ask them to do it themselves.
* Make dinner as the children do their homework. Clean up as you go. I never sit down to eat with a mess in the kitchen.
* Playtime.
* Get the children ready for bed.
* Relaxation time for mommy.

So, for the remainder of today I have vowed to get my laundry in order so that I can start this schedule next week and see how well it works for me! I'm so excited to try out this schedule and hopefully by the end of it I will have a clean and organized home!

Happy Cleaning!

Sunshine Award

Thank you to Mary at Peetie Pie for nominating me for the Sunshine Award! Mary and I met through a very special board, and have formed a common bond! I love looking at her blog because she motivates me, and well because Moose is just too dang cute and makes me smile! I love that I can "brighten" her day a little too! Here are a few bloggers who brighten my day!

1. Jacquie at Baby A is Brewing
2. Celeste at Celestes 101 in1001
3. Jess at Some call me Cake Lady
4. Amber at {aefilkins}


Rules of Acceptance:

1. Place the logo in a post or on your sidebar.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Pass the award on to 4-6 bloggers who brighten your day.
4. Link the nominees with your post.
5. Let the nominees know they've received the award by commenting on their blog.

A little crafting

In my last post I talked about feeling crafty...wow was my last post really that long ago! I swear I get busy and start running around. I then start a few blog post a month that never get published. I think of things to blog about all the time, but when I come to type it out it never goes as planned. Life takes over and I get side tracked and before I know it it's been almost a month since my last post. I wish I could say I've been up to something brilliant, but in all honestly I've just been running around doing mommy and wifely duties, which I guess in itself is pretty brilliant.



Oops back to the subject at hand...crafts. So I've been feeling crafty. I've been to Michale's twice in the past week. I have purchased things for two wreaths, and for some magnets I plan to make. The magnets are taking me a little longer to get together because I can't find the magnet sheets to work on them. They will be used for some organization I plan on doing, but more on that in a later post.

In my last blog post I posted a picture of a cupcake liner wreath that I loved. The one shown was specifically for Valentine's day, but I ended up buying different liners, and it will now be my Easter wreath! I had so much fun making it, and found it to be super peaceful and calming. No fear baking is not taking a back burner to crafting, but it is nice having a calming hobby that won't expand my waist line as well!

It took me a few tries to figure out how to bunch up the cupcake liners but after a quick discussion with Jess I got it down!






It was beautiful and lovely and sat on my table for two days as is. It was lacking something but I wasn't sure what to add. I finally made it back to Michale's today and this is what I ended up with...







I am in love with the finish product. Of course I had to add butterflies to it. I almost walked out without the butterflies, but on my way to the register I saw all their spring bouquets on display and saw butterflies in them, and just knew they were SOMEWHERE in the store. I did one more walk through and found them! They add a special touch to the wreath don't you think! I will hang it up tomorrow, but I'm already sad that it will have to come down after Easter. I'm already trying to figure out how I will store it so I can use it again next year!

Feeling Crafty

I have been bitten by the crafting bug! It all started last week as I was looking for something cute to send with the kids to their teachers for Valentine's Day. I could have run for something cheap at the store but I knew I wanted to make them something cute. So off to google I ran...I searched high and low until I ran across some shuffles with candy attached. I then ran down to my local Michale's store and couldn't find the shovels that they used so I improvised, and created my own design.



These little beauties started my creative juices flowing, and now I'm on the lookout for something else to create. I ran across a few crafting blogs while I was looking for the prefect Valentine's gift to make, and since then I have ran across a few more.

Now if you know anything about me you know I LOVE cupcakes. I think I have an obsession with cupcakes to be honest. I love everything about them! But as much as I love cupcakes I also love the cupcake liners! A quick google search and you will see that there are tons of designs out there. So when I ran across this project today I knew I had to make it!


picture via Tatertots and Jello

I'm more then positive I'm going to do pastel colors for the spring time! Its such a cute and cheap project and I can't wait to get started on it!

Then I ran across something even cuter when I was searching for more cupcake liner wreaths. This one isn't actually cupcake liners but paper bag cut outs! I love the colors in it, and if I actually play around with it and do teal butterflies it would go perfect in our bed room...perhaps on our closet door!


picture via MaryJanes and Galoshes

The possibilities on these cute wreaths are endless! I can't wait to get started on this craft! I have ideas for all the seasons and holidays! I'll keep you posted and let you know how they turn out! I may be running to a craft store tomorrow so I can begin asap!

#57 Learn to make homemade icing

I did it! I finally completed a task on my list! Tonight I made Pumpkin Whoopie Pies for a friends husband and the icing came out perfect! I have tried making icing at least twice before and each time it comes out this horrible yellow color and looks more like a glaze then a thick icing. Well after asking around I realized it was because I've been using stick country crock and not BUTTER! So tonight I made that one single change and it was perfection!



I will most likely still grab a tub of store bought cream cheese icing every now and then, because I actually like the flavor more! I do look forward to working with the recipe...perhaps adding some cinnamon next time! However I'm proud to say I've accomplished my first task!

Are you ready for some football??

Truth be told I'm not! While I enjoy watching the commercials and half time show I'm just not a fan of the game itself. I do have to say that I'm a HUGE fan of the snacks that super bowl bring! I must admit I'm bummed we aren't having the game at our house this year, but Bryan then mentioned that I could still bring something to our friends house, and this got my brain churning.

But what do you take to someones house? Something low maintenance, something that can be served cold, and something that you can make at home or the night before of course! I learned the hard way you DO NOT want to make your husband wait when a game is coming on!

Now I know that the group would be expecting cupcakes from me. Cupcakes I can do, but when I think of football I want snacks...cupcakes can come after halftime! A couple of day ago I saw a picture of something I wanted to try! I knew from just the picture that it would be amazing. I patiently waited for this blogger to post the recipe and it finally went up.


Chicken Enchilada Roll-ups


Picture Via Annie's Eats

This recipe fits everything I'm looking for! It can be made the night prior to the party and it can be served cold! Not to mention they look pretty tasty!

of course I could always go the route of a dip! Everyone loves dip and it's so easy to scoop out on your plate and go. I have heard many wonderful things about

Buffalo Chicken Dip


Picture via Rachael Ray

I love that this is so much less messier then actually eating buffalo wings!

Now we come to dessert! Like I mentioned before I know everyone will be expecting cupcakes! I ran across a picture the other day and looked up the recipe. This "cake" makes me a little nervous because I'm not sure I could pull it off because we have to travel with it!

Football Cupcake Pull-aparts


Picture via Betty Crocker

Aren't they cute! My mind is turning wondering how I can transport them in one piece...did I mention I wish we didn't have to travel for this party!

Of course I could always go an easy route...and make something that will actually travel something like these cute...


Football Oreo Truffles


Pictures via Bakerella

These truffles come from the amazing Bakerella! Can I just say that I have tried a few things from her website and have loved EVERY.SINGLE.ONE! I also know this group loves Oreo balls because I have made them before for them!

Now you guys will just have to stay tuned to find out what I'm going to make for Game Day!

Heavy

I go into this week with a heavy heart. This past year has brought me to my knees. At my lowest point this year I didn't know if it would ever be possible to pull myself back together. This week has me reliving the smallest details. The tiniest things most people wouldn't remember my brain won't let me forget. I can tell you what I wore a year ago tomorrow and can probably tell you everything I wore for the rest of the week up until that horrible day I went into the hospital. I can probably tell you what I was doing minute by minute. This is not something I'm proud of..in face it's something I wish my mind would let me forget. You see I can't forget...I can't forget because it's my last precious moments with her. This racing heart as much as I hate it I know it stems from my pain and anxiety of what next week holds.

We should be planning a first birthday party, and instead I'm wondering what I can do special to memorialize her. I plan to make cupcakes...not to watch her crumble in between her little hands but so we can think of what might have been. I will not hold my child this day, but hold her urn in my hands. I will not see her giggle in delight at all her gifts, but imagine her sitting in God's lap on this day smiling down on us. I have missed out on what would have been her first year of life, but I know she hasn't missed out on seeing us. I often wonder do I make her sad or disappointed in me with my tears, does she hate to sit and watch me cry? I know she must because I know that when I'm feeling down I don't see signs from her. I know she only comes around when I'm in a good place...

So baby girl just for you..I will try my hardest to be in a better place this next year...Mommy loves you honey.

Wishing

I have been bad with blogging again. It's not that I don't have tons of thoughts running through my mind the truth is I have way too many. Way to many thought to begin pin pointing. Way too many thoughts running through my mind to even make sense of them. You see February is coming up....where this month once just brought my birthday it now brings my daughter's birthday, and the anniversary of her death. Believe it or not I'm doing well...or the best you can be doing in a time like this. You learn how to face the days again, but the thought of big days bring about the same sadness. Currently my thoughts are filled with memories of my last moments with her in my tummy. The memories of us learning each other as I began to feel her move around more. Memories of being excited that we would soon find out what we were having and beginning to look forward to shopping and a baby shower the spring would bring. These days were never meant to be.

But you see as I live through these sad days that make my heart heavy I also have so much to look forward to. 2010 has me hopeful...I feel like this is our year. I know at some point this year we will bring home our forever baby. I have faith in us and in God that it will happen. We have put up with way too many storms and it's our turn for happiness.

101 in 1001

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

* Start Date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010
* End Date: Wednesday, October 10, 2012



My list...

1.Get Pregnant
2.Go to church at least twice a month.
3.Take an online course
4.Find a job Completed 5/10/10
5.Learn to knit
6.Take and Finish a cake decorating class
7.Stick to laundry schedule
8.Start scrapbooking for the kids
9.Take a cooking class
10.See the Nutcracker
11.Buy a house
12.Try a new recipe once a week.
13.Take up yoga
14.Take the kids to Big Bear to see the snow
15.Go wine tasting with the girls
16.Knit a baby blanket
17.Deliver a healthy baby
18.Read Gone with the Wind
19.Take a Salsa dancing class with the hubby
20.Start and finish a cross stitch project
21.Take a family vacation just the 4...hopefully 5 of us.
22.not log onto the computer for an entire day.
23.Go a week without gossip magazines and websites.
24.Come up with my own cupcake recipe.
25.Plan family nights once a week before the kids are too old for it.
26.Make it home for the holidays
27.Make a homemade pie for Thanksgiving.
28.Make a cheesecake.
29.Use the wii daily.
30.Decorate our house.
31.Make a baby name sign for our baby.
32.Mail out a birth announcement to our fertility Dr!
33.Clean out the clutter in our kitchen.
34.Buy new appliances once we get rid of the old ones.
35.Actually use our mountain bikes!
36.Visit my friend in North Carolina.
37.Go to a concert kid free!
38.Date night with hubby once a month.
39.Take more pictures.
40.Be more creative with my baking.
41.Spend a Sunday cuddled on the couch with the kids in pj's watching movies and vegging out.
42.Participate in a March for Dimes walk.
43.Go to a horse race in Del Mar.
44.Buy a piece of jewelry at Tiffany's in Beverly Hills.
45.Go to the midnight showing of Eclipse on the night it opens.
46.Buy something from Etsy
47.Knit us Christmas stockings.
48.Buy the kids Christmas ornaments.
49.Take new family pictures.
50.Host a Christmas party.
51.Plan a better Cookie Exchange.
52.Host a cupcake and wine party!
53.Read and participate in the Love Dare.
54.Make a painted pottery "Birthday" platter for everyone to use on their birthday.
55.Go a whole day with no yelling.
56.Put more effort into my blog.
57.Read at least 2 books a month.
58.Learn to make Sushi.
59.Learn to make homemade icing. Completed 2/5/2010
60.Buy and use reusable shopping bags when grocery shopping.
61.Drink 8 glasses of water daily for 3 weeks.
62.Make a birthday list.
63.Send out cards monthly for everyone on the birthday list.
64.Get involved with our local March of Dimes chapter.
65.Host a dinner party.
66.Keep wine stocked in the house.
67.Have a happy 6 month birthday for our baby.
68.Celebrate our baby's 1st birthday.
69.Take my vitamins everyday for a month.
70.Get a dog.
71.Learn Spanish.
72.Go to the beach at least twice a month during the summer months.
73.Buy a plant and not kill it.
74.Buy a new camera.
75.Have a picnic in the park. Picnic basket and all!
76.Actually try the recipes that I have cut out. If not used throw them out!
77.Learn to decorate sugar cookies with royal icing.
78.Learn to use fondant.
79.Learn to bake bread.
80.Buy a water pitcher so we can use less water bottles while home.
81.Sort through the kids rooms and donate stuff to Good Will.
82.Donate a toy to toys for tots.
83.Learn to make a yummy from scratch mac and cheese.
84.Enjoy the kids sports without talking on the phone or gossiping with the other moms.
85.Spend a day in the spa.
86.Get into the routine of making Sunday Dinners.
87.Get to know our neighbors.
88.Learn how to take a decent picture.
89.Take one picture daily for a month.
90.Read at least an hour a day for a week.
91.Clean the kitchen right after dinner everyday for a week.
92.Eat breakfast everyday for a month.
93.Read the bible cover to cover.
94.Enroll the kids in classes at the church.
95.Get more involved in the church.
96.Find a spot in our house for Bryanna's urn to sit.
97.Learn to sew.
98.Use the crock pot everyday for a week.
99.Go on a tour of the stars homes in LA.
100.Learn to bake my own Lemon Loaf...just like Starbucks!
101.Donate $1 for every task completed to March of Dimes in Bryanna's name.