Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Today I am sad. I can't even begin to express how much today sucks. I know I have once again been MIA, but this past month has had me running around from place to place. We got home from Texas about three weeks ago, and since then I have been spending time with my best friend Karen, and her little boys. Today Karen moved away. This is one thing that sucks about being a military family. You get close to people, and eventually they move away. Karen and I met oh about 7 years ago when we were suffering in the lodge in Hawaii. We were both awaiting military housing, and after long days in the hotel room we would meet up outside at night time where she would smoke and we would talk. Later we would meet up a few times around base before finally exchanging phone numbers. There was no looking back at that time we became best friends. She was my shopping buddy, my shoulder to lean on, and my best friend! I saw her through two births, and she saw me through the death of my angel. I don't know where I would have been this past year without her around to listen to me. It's going to suck not being able to hang out with her, or pick up my home phone whenever I want to chat. A 3 hour time difference is a big deal after all. Luckily I'm already plotting a little trip out to visit with her when she gets settled, and I get settled into my new job.

Today also sucks, because it seems as if though I'm managed yet again to fail at yet another medicated cycle. I really felt this was it. I mean really how many pills, and injections does a person have to take before getting a baby. Teenagers have children daily, and yet I want a child so bad and it just won't happen! Seeing a negative pregnancy test hurts so much...and each time I look at one I feel like it is doing this to me...

Yeah I know...really nice and mature, but it's like the damn thing is mocking me. What's the point of getting your hopes up and going out to spend money on a damn obsession of peeing on sticks anyway? What could I be doing with that money instead? Well for starters I could have bought the new Candace Bushnell book yesterday instead. I could happily be sitting here reading instead of being tortured and having taken two test today just to see the same result (refer to eff you pregnancy test above).

So considering the fact that I have no best friend here, and no pregnancy to speak of, it's time that I get my house organized. I mean after all I should be starting a new job in about a week and a half. I should get this house in order so the weeks are much less stressful on me. I should also get back to working on my cross stitch project since I have decided I in fact am going to do my kitchen in a vineyard theme. I mean since I have grown fond of wine and all.


  1. Oh dear, I so feel your pain on the pregnancy thing. I lost a baby in fall 08 and then it took us almost a year to get pregnant. Then at 7 weeks, I had another miscarriage. That was last October. I *finally* **finally** got pregnant again!

    We've tried every single month from the miscarriage in 08. And tracked, and etc etc. In Feb I had a weird period with spotting before and after, so they put me on a 10 day round of Prometrium. And bam, I was pregnant! I didn't even find out until last week, and I'm already almost 10 weeks. My point is that at the doctor's yesterday the nurse said people swear by taking a 10 day round of Prometrium for getting pregnant. I think I might believe that! Maybe you could ask your doctor?

    I noticed that you've lost a baby before. Did they diagnose you with anything? Just curious. They didn't do anything for me until I'd lost my 2nd baby, and it turns out I have a blood clotting disorder called MThFr.

    Hugs & prayers to you!

    ♥ Amber

  2. Thank you Amber. I have read your blog, and seen your story but I wasn't really sure of the story behind it. Congrats on being pregnant as well. I may have to ask my dr about Prometrium, because at this point I'm ready to beg for IUI!

    We lost our baby girl Bryanna at 20 weeks. She was born and passed away an hour and 39 mins later. The reason was infection of the placenta. I had them run the test for MThFr as well, but that came back negative. They swear up and down the infection won't happen again, but now the hard part is managing to get pregnant again.