Wishing

I have been bad with blogging again. It's not that I don't have tons of thoughts running through my mind the truth is I have way too many. Way to many thought to begin pin pointing. Way too many thoughts running through my mind to even make sense of them. You see February is coming up....where this month once just brought my birthday it now brings my daughter's birthday, and the anniversary of her death. Believe it or not I'm doing well...or the best you can be doing in a time like this. You learn how to face the days again, but the thought of big days bring about the same sadness. Currently my thoughts are filled with memories of my last moments with her in my tummy. The memories of us learning each other as I began to feel her move around more. Memories of being excited that we would soon find out what we were having and beginning to look forward to shopping and a baby shower the spring would bring. These days were never meant to be.

But you see as I live through these sad days that make my heart heavy I also have so much to look forward to. 2010 has me hopeful...I feel like this is our year. I know at some point this year we will bring home our forever baby. I have faith in us and in God that it will happen. We have put up with way too many storms and it's our turn for happiness.

101 in 1001

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

* Start Date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010
* End Date: Wednesday, October 10, 2012



My list...

1.Get Pregnant
2.Go to church at least twice a month.
3.Take an online course
4.Find a job Completed 5/10/10
5.Learn to knit
6.Take and Finish a cake decorating class
7.Stick to laundry schedule
8.Start scrapbooking for the kids
9.Take a cooking class
10.See the Nutcracker
11.Buy a house
12.Try a new recipe once a week.
13.Take up yoga
14.Take the kids to Big Bear to see the snow
15.Go wine tasting with the girls
16.Knit a baby blanket
17.Deliver a healthy baby
18.Read Gone with the Wind
19.Take a Salsa dancing class with the hubby
20.Start and finish a cross stitch project
21.Take a family vacation just the 4...hopefully 5 of us.
22.not log onto the computer for an entire day.
23.Go a week without gossip magazines and websites.
24.Come up with my own cupcake recipe.
25.Plan family nights once a week before the kids are too old for it.
26.Make it home for the holidays
27.Make a homemade pie for Thanksgiving.
28.Make a cheesecake.
29.Use the wii daily.
30.Decorate our house.
31.Make a baby name sign for our baby.
32.Mail out a birth announcement to our fertility Dr!
33.Clean out the clutter in our kitchen.
34.Buy new appliances once we get rid of the old ones.
35.Actually use our mountain bikes!
36.Visit my friend in North Carolina.
37.Go to a concert kid free!
38.Date night with hubby once a month.
39.Take more pictures.
40.Be more creative with my baking.
41.Spend a Sunday cuddled on the couch with the kids in pj's watching movies and vegging out.
42.Participate in a March for Dimes walk.
43.Go to a horse race in Del Mar.
44.Buy a piece of jewelry at Tiffany's in Beverly Hills.
45.Go to the midnight showing of Eclipse on the night it opens.
46.Buy something from Etsy
47.Knit us Christmas stockings.
48.Buy the kids Christmas ornaments.
49.Take new family pictures.
50.Host a Christmas party.
51.Plan a better Cookie Exchange.
52.Host a cupcake and wine party!
53.Read and participate in the Love Dare.
54.Make a painted pottery "Birthday" platter for everyone to use on their birthday.
55.Go a whole day with no yelling.
56.Put more effort into my blog.
57.Read at least 2 books a month.
58.Learn to make Sushi.
59.Learn to make homemade icing. Completed 2/5/2010
60.Buy and use reusable shopping bags when grocery shopping.
61.Drink 8 glasses of water daily for 3 weeks.
62.Make a birthday list.
63.Send out cards monthly for everyone on the birthday list.
64.Get involved with our local March of Dimes chapter.
65.Host a dinner party.
66.Keep wine stocked in the house.
67.Have a happy 6 month birthday for our baby.
68.Celebrate our baby's 1st birthday.
69.Take my vitamins everyday for a month.
70.Get a dog.
71.Learn Spanish.
72.Go to the beach at least twice a month during the summer months.
73.Buy a plant and not kill it.
74.Buy a new camera.
75.Have a picnic in the park. Picnic basket and all!
76.Actually try the recipes that I have cut out. If not used throw them out!
77.Learn to decorate sugar cookies with royal icing.
78.Learn to use fondant.
79.Learn to bake bread.
80.Buy a water pitcher so we can use less water bottles while home.
81.Sort through the kids rooms and donate stuff to Good Will.
82.Donate a toy to toys for tots.
83.Learn to make a yummy from scratch mac and cheese.
84.Enjoy the kids sports without talking on the phone or gossiping with the other moms.
85.Spend a day in the spa.
86.Get into the routine of making Sunday Dinners.
87.Get to know our neighbors.
88.Learn how to take a decent picture.
89.Take one picture daily for a month.
90.Read at least an hour a day for a week.
91.Clean the kitchen right after dinner everyday for a week.
92.Eat breakfast everyday for a month.
93.Read the bible cover to cover.
94.Enroll the kids in classes at the church.
95.Get more involved in the church.
96.Find a spot in our house for Bryanna's urn to sit.
97.Learn to sew.
98.Use the crock pot everyday for a week.
99.Go on a tour of the stars homes in LA.
100.Learn to bake my own Lemon Loaf...just like Starbucks!
101.Donate $1 for every task completed to March of Dimes in Bryanna's name.

Resolution

“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”
--William Arther Ward

We are a few days off from the New Year, but I'm counting down the days. 2009 was something we would have never expected. It brought me to my knees, and that was only two months in. You can imagine that I wanted to be as far away from this year as possible. My heart was broken into a million pieces this year, and can only hope and pray 2010 will bring us a better year. I am optimistic as we enter this new year. I feel myself entering a place that I haven't been in many moons it seems. I saw a baby today and she made me smile...I touched her tiny hands and soft feet and she made me giddy. I want this so bad, and I realized for the first time in 10 months a baby hasn't made me want to turn and run away screaming. I am beyond excited to start this new year. I am hopeful once again. In 7 days we will celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary!

We took down our tree today..I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe this causes bad luck. I actually held off on taking down my tree a few days for fear of this. However today in my optimistic state I decided we will make our own luck this year. I think it will be a tradition of ours now to take down the tree prior to the New Year...especially this year. As I packed everything away today I prayed with everything in me that next year there will be a little one to celebrate with us.

This year I'm doing something a little different. I'm making some resolutions. I don't usually make them, because in prior years when I have they are broken before the month is over. However this year I feel like I need to get myself back on track. You can call these resolutions...you can call these goals...all I know is they are what I would like to accomplish this year.

1. To have a healthy pregnancy



2. Take an online class or two! That's right it's time to get back to school! I have been out way too long, and need to finish/work on my degree!

3. Learn to relax again! Tight shoulders are never any fun!

4. Spend less time on the computer and open up more books!



5. Organize my house and keep it organized!

6. Tone/strengthen my body--gotta get baby ready after all!

7. Learn more cake decorating techniques and learn to decorate cookies with royal icing!



8. Enjoy spending time with my husband and kids! Hopefully dedicating at least one night a week to family fun night!

9. and last but not least...start attending church again. After the lost of Bryanna I had so many questions and felt like the only place I could be close enough for God to hear them was sitting in church. I want our family to be involved in church.

More then anything I just want to get my life back on track this year...become the me that was lost in 2009. I want to smile a little more and cry a little less! I like this optimistic me, and hope she stays around a little longer!

Handbook for 2010

A good friend posted this on her blog this year, and I felt it was worth passing on this year!


Handbook for 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s—Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment....
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip...
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Give a copy of this to everyone you care about.

Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow

Well we can wish for snow right! Anyway seems as if I'm behind on blogging again. However in my defense it has been crazy busy around here getting things ready for Christmas! Not to mention it seems as though I have come down with a cold. B had it first and so graciously decided to share with me as well. How very sweet of him! This is a Christmas gift I could have done without though!

We have been a crazy busy little family this weekend. We woke up bright and early Saturday morning and headed down to the outlets to do some Christmas shopping for me, and then ended up at the mall to do a little more shopping, and we ended up catching a movie. We finally saw The Blind Side and I was blown away! I can not wait to read the book in the New Year! I think it will be an amazing read, because I'm sure there is so much more the movie couldn't pack in! The movie left me feeling really good inside and wishing we could help someone out as well! On Sunday we drove up to Camarillo for the day to see B's brother and sister. It has been years since he has seen them, and it was nice getting to meet more of Bryan's family. Then then was today...we ran out and did a little more shopping and then I went out some more once I dropped of Bryan and the kids! On the bright side we are almost done shopping! I still have one more gift to pick up and B has one more gift to pick up and we can officially say we are done! I made a promise to myself today while sitting in traffic and screaming at random people in my car that I will start shopping in July next year! Fingers crossed I can keep that little resolution going!

Anyway for today's recipe I thought I would throw some alcohol in the mix. If I was feeling better today after the shopping experience I endured it's how I would opt to spend my evening!


Triple Chocolate Godiva Cupcakes


picture by Grin and Bake It!

The fun thing about this recipe is that it shows you how to make the pretty snowflakes on top! Next year I hope to get more daring and attempt working with chocolate and royal icing more! These snowflakes look super cute, and easy!

Now for my drink posting. I must admit it had been over a year since I had my first drink again this month. With being invited to so many parties this month it was inevitable that I would have a drink or two this month. Since then I have googled my fair share of drinks and look forward to trying a few out!


Snowy Coconut Cocktail



Photo by Mixing Bowl

Now I must admit the fact that this drink has half and half in it has me on edge, but it looks way too cute not to give it a shot. hehe get it a shot.

Oh Christmas Tree

My poor poor tree. She started off beautiful and green and now she is slowly turning brown. This upsets me because I have watered her daily. I check her often to make sure she isn't running out of water, and yet she is still dying on me. I realize she wasn't going to last forever, but making it to Christmas would have been nice. My fingers are cross she holds out for me and stays semi green until the big day! However everyday she is looking more and more pathetic! I suppose next year we will have to hold off a week before buying our tree. Just to be reminiscent here is a picture of our tree in happier times!



by the way I realize the tree looks lopsided...its possible that I'm the lopsided one because the tree is pretty straight...well as straight as we could possible get it!

Well enough about my tree...lets talk baking. I realize I didn't post a recipe yesterday, but I have to say baking has me a bit bored. I have reached my quota with cookies, but I still have one batch ahead of me to decorate with kids. I'm just not enjoying the whole cookie experience. I swear if I'm ever to open up a bakery of my own it will be a "No Cookie Zone." Well that might be a little harsh. While I do enjoy a snickerdoodle or pretty sugar cookies...ahh yes Sugar Cookies would have to be sold at my bakery! But only pretty decorated sugar cookies! Anyway cookies just don't do it for me like a cake or a cupcake or even a brownie! Case and point I have a ton of leftover cookies sitting on my counter because I'm bored with them! Anyway in the hustle and bustle of this holiday season I have neglected my true love of the baking world! I have not posted a single cupcake recipe and only quickly made a box of funfetti cupcakes for Kobe's birthday! So with that being said tonight I bring you two cupcake recipes!

I ran across this new blog tonight, and looked through it for probably about an hour or so. It's a pretty cool blog, and I can't wait to try some of the recipes on her blog! The other day I mentioned how I like a sip or two of eggnog during the holiday season, and I tried to capture that in a cookie recipe I found. The end result of those was...well ummm...they ended up in the trash! But I have high hopes for these cupcakes!


Eggnog Cupcakes


photo by Annie's Eats

Now when you think of Christmas two flavors come to mind eggnog and peppermint! I have to admit I'm not a huge fan of peppermint. I think it's the crunch of the candy cane and texture it leaves behind on your teeth but it throws me off I just don't care for it. However for these cupcakes I'm willing to overlook that!

Chocolate-Peppermint Candy Cupcakes


photo by Myrecipes.com

Something different

So I'm not following in my blogging tradition of passing on a recipe or two but I ran across this just now and felt it was worth sharing! Enjoy!

45 life lessons you'll never learn in school

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12.. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.