It's been awhile

I'm a horrible blogger. It's been two weeks since my last post. Last week seemed promising though. I went on a job testing thing on Tuesday, Wednesday I got a call back for an interview, and Thursday I went in for an interview and a drug test. As I sat there talking I had the job! I was excited about the job. I was finally going to get out of the house again and out of this brain of mine that can become a dark abyss. Training started on Monday, but I couldn't. She said she was more then positive they would have a second round of training. I contacted her on Tuesday and they said they would not. I was bummed. I felt sad and rejected that day. I heard "Everything happens for a reason." I know I use to live by this saying, and in most cases its great to hear, however when something doesn't go your way you would like nothing better then to poke your eyes out. I will however pick up and carry on just like I have for the past 9 months. So now I'm back to square one on the job front. Joy for me!

Other then that I had such high hopes for this month. I had run across tons of cute Halloween recipes I knew I had to try out, and in all honesty I have tried one of the millions I waned to bake! Tomorrow will be a baking day as well, and I have two recipes in mind I would love to make, but one for sure I will do. However I made some amazing Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies. I'm not even sure i've ever had chocolate chips with pumpkin, but as soon as I heard of the combo I knew I had to try it out! Can I just say they were amazing! Bryan and the kids were a HUGE fan of them, and that makes for a happy mommy! Here is the recipe you should definitely try it out!



CHOCOLATE CHIP PUMPKIN COOKIES

1 sm. can pumpkin
2 tsp. baking soda
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
4 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1 tbsp. milk
1 c. oil
2 tsp. vanilla
6 oz. real chocolate chips
1 c. chopped nuts (optional)

Combine all ingredients. Mix well. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in 375 degree oven for 10-12 minutes. Watch carefully; when bottoms are well browned, remove from oven and cool.

**recipe found on Cooks.com**

Awareness Day

Today I participated in Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness day. It's a day that I hope and pray no one ever has to experience. Last year at this time I was wondering if I myself could be pregnant, and of course exactly five days later I would find out I was. While filled with fear it was the happiest 20 weeks of my life. I did walk around praying that I would be able to carry our baby to term and have a beautiful healthy child. Once I passed my first trimester mark I felt it was actually happening! I avoided looking at pregnancy loss ribbons or myspace pages, because I felt if I didn't look at it then it couldn't happen to me. I felt something that horrific could never happen to us. I had friends who had lost babies later in their pregnancy, but I couldn't think of that...I couldn't be bothered with the facts of it. It was a very unfortunate event for them..not me. However in an instant I realized it can happen to anyone. In the blink of an eye the dreams of our baby girl were shattered. Something was wrong and she was coming and would not survive because she was too young. I was and still am broken hearted. I will never get over the loss of my child, and wish that no one would ever go through what we have been through. Of course I have learned different...I have been opened up to a whole new world. A world where parent's do die before their children, and life isn't as you expect it to be.

I took some time today to reflect on the short time we had with Bryanna, and what her life may have looked like. I miss my baby so much...I wish more then anything she was here today instead of in Heaven. I wish I was holding her today instead of lighting a candle for her..but this is how our life has played out. A good friend, who is pregnant, emailed me today and told me she feels like Bryanna is her baby's angel. It took me by surprised but made me smile knowing that she thought like that. If Bryanna is Karen's baby's angel then I know one day she will be our baby's angel as well.

Anyway, my heart goes out to the millions of people who are also very aware of what today was, and for that very reason I lit not only a candle for our baby girl, but also a candle for all the other babies that were lost way too soon.

Bakin' mama

Lately I haven't had much luck with baking. I will find a recipe on line that I'm so excited to try and I end up being disappointed. Baking just hasn't been going my way since I made the apple sauce cake. Such a disappointment. I thew out the majority of the cake, the banana bread while good just didn't bake up great in my oven. I managed to make a really good brownie the other night, the first time ever! However I was back to flops last night with an apple crisp recipe I tried! I learned I am not a fan of nutmeg!

However today I wanted something yummy. I had a box mix to make funfetti cupcakes, and I finally ran across some pumpkin this weekend, but none of those sounded good. So off to google I went again. I ended up finding an amazing site with Snickerdoodle bars. As I read through the recipe I realized I had all the ingredients on hand. Let me just say a few months ago this would not have been the case. I think it's official ya'll I have become a baker! Anyway I went to work on these "bars" The battered smelled amazing and I was so excited! I should explain that snickerdoodles are my FAVORITE cookie! I get overly excited when I walk into a mall and see a cookie stand that has snickerdoodle cookies. Anyway, once they were golden brown I stuck a toothpick in them and it came out clean, so out of the oven the came. I had mixed up a cinnamon sugar blend and sprinkled them with it while still warm. When the cooled we cut into them, and once again I found they didn't bake up like a bar at all. They were like a softer cake! The review said it would be "cakey" so I can only assume that's the way it was supposed to be. Let me just say they were AMAZING! They were everything I wanted them to be. However, next time I try them I think I might keep them in the oven a little longer to see if they get a little harder. But I was very happy and will definitely make them again! Hopefully this means I'm back in business!



By the way ignore the crumbs! It was right after dinner and I hadn't fully cleaned the table yet! Also I'm beginning to realize I need different plates! Off to Ross I go!

Fall Festival

Our housing area is very big on community/family fun. We have never been down to any of them except for of course when they do pizza nights, then we go down and grab our pizza :). However, since I've been so big on fall this year, and the kids knew it was going on we decided to take them. I must also admit that the fact that there was going to be cupcakes kinda won me over as well! What can I say I'm addicted! Bryan and I had a "nice" dinner which included a Philly cheese steak, fries, and of course our cupcake. While it was nothing to write home about it was yummy enough.

The festival included such things as a face painting, hair color, pumpkin painting and a mirror and smoke house. The kids ran around with their friends, and for a moment I thought they would be too "cool" to join in the fun. However soon they jumped in and their friends joined as well. I asked the kids to decorate pumpkins so we could have some decorations!



How cute did those come out! I was pretty impressed! They also painted their face and hair. Bryan and I sat at a table by the pool talking and as the boys went up to get their face painted they were trying very hard to explain to the lady exactly what they wanted. Bryan and I sat patiently and tried to figure out what they were trying so hard to explain! We could see the lady paint a little and stop to ask them for more detail. When Kobe was done he walked over to us, and we still couldn't figure it out...Can you?



If you guessed Jason then you are right! Kobe was a little annoyed when he got home and saw it wasn't exactally right! Tony on the other hand I'm still not too sure what he is, but I think she did an amazing job on their faces! All the kids were walking around with such amazing designs! No two kids had the same face painting! Now that's pretty impressive! It was a fun hour and a half and then it was time to come home!

By the way, I realize I haven't been too impressive on baking lately! I have been baking weekly, but not anything out of the norm. Last night I made some box mix brownies which came out amazing, and the past weekend I made a yummy chocolate chip banana bread. I didn't get a picture of the bread beacause as you know my oven has been a little wacky, and well the bread burnt a little. However the bread was super yummy so I will pass on the link! I plan to try it out again now that our oven has been fixed!

http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=2760

Fall and Etsy!

As I mentioned in my last post I'm in love with fall. I sit here patiently waiting for falls arrival in San Diego. Every morning I wake up with the hope of a cool fall morning, only to be greeted by summer weather. Just once I would love to live in a place where the leaves change colors and fall to the ground! Looking out the window I can see our trees starting to die, but only a handful of the leaves are beautiful fall colors. I wouldn't doubt it if in a few days the trees are bare only having never truly turned colors. It's a little odd to me to be obsessed with a season that I've never really gotten the chance to enjoy. I also find it hard to believe I will every truly enjoy the season and all it has to offer. So in the mean time I can enjoy the taste and colors of the season without trying getting the full effect.

I also have a new love for the website Etsy. My love for baking has lead me to wonder how to sell things on this amazing site, and yet I fear that my creations will never be seen because this site has so much to offer! While I have yet to order anything I have spent way too many hours on this site shopping for my future child, mapping out my new kitchen, searching for baking ideas, and just marveling at all things this site has to offer! Everything on this site is homemade, and well lets just say it gets my creative juices flowing! I'm constantly wondering if I can make something cheaper then they could ship it to me, or if I could make it better. Which i'm sure I could :). Anyway if you have a free moment you should def. check it out! I promise you will be busy for hours!

Happy Fall Ya'll!

I have looked forward to this season more then you could know. It's my wish that come this time next year we will be welcoming a little baby of our own. Perhaps that's why I'm so ready for it to get started! Summer seemed like the longest season of my life! Today while I was on facebook I was so jealous to read that so many of my friends were enjoying fall weather! I on the other hand in sunny California am sitting here in a tank top and capris! Not so fall like...I'm praying it comes soon. Although I know it won't be this week since we are in the middle of a heat wave!

However since it was the first day of fall I got a craving for apple butter. My dear friend Jess posted about it on her blog last Friday, and while at the grocery store on Saturday I picked up a jar. So this mornings breakfast was two pieces of toast. One with apple jelly and one with apple butter!



I have to say while the apple butter was good I will have to stick to apple jelly! I love apple jelly, but apple butter was a definite change of pace. I will continue to eat it but it won't be my go to! I'm still on the look out for pumpkin butter, which a good friend promised to send me!

While I was on my apple kick today I made an applesauce cake. The verdict on it was it tasted very similar to the pumpkin cake I made last week. This coming from Bryan and the kids. I however preferred the pumpkin cake from last week. This cake was very simple to make it was a box of spice cake mix, some oil, eggs, and apple sauce. Once baked and cooled it was topped with vanilla icing mixed with cinnamon. The icing was yummy, but it had me longing for cream cheese!



I did love how it made the house smell. It made me want to bake yummy fall treats daily! Next up is pumpkin chocolate chip cookies! Now if only I could find some pumpkin! I swear no where around here has the 15oz can of pumpkin! I'm tempted to buy two packs of cake mix and go to work! Hey I can always seen the extra cookies to work with Bryan! I'm sure the Marines wouldn't mind! All in all it was a good day! Can't wait to do some baking, and hear what you guys have in store for Fall! Until next time!

Pumpkin cake and a new book

This summer has been the longest summer of my life! I so badly want it to hurry up and be over with! For some reason this year I look forward to the holidays. Perhaps it has something to do with getting as far away from this summer as possible, or maybe its just the outlook of new things to come. Maybe its a mix of the both. Anyway last week I started bringing out all my fall stuff. I went out last weekend and bought a pumpkin pie candle, and on Sunday night I baked a pumpkin cake!

I should explain that fall is my favorite time of year! I love the colors, smells, holidays, cooler weather, and everything the fall brings with it! I'm also obsessed with pumpkin! Pumpkin latte, pumpkin cupcakes, cookies, pie, and cake oh my lol. I ran across Paula Deen's recipe for pumpkin "bars" but I'll call it pumpkin cake since it baked up taller like a cake. From the very first bite I was in heaven! It was all I wanted in a pumpkin dessert! Bryan and the boys loved it! I really want to try doing it as cupcakes the next time around! Hopefully it works well!



Doesn't it look amazing! Don't you wanna take a huge chunk out of it! The first night I ate a huge and I do mean HUGE piece of it! It was so yummy! I definitely recommend you making this cake this weekend! It will be a favorite in our house throughout the season! Luckily the season hasn't even really started yet! You can find the recipe here:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/pumpkin-bars-recipe/index.html

Also, today I ran out and bought a new book. Since we lost Bryanna I have been hearing about a book called An Exact Replica Of A Figment Of My Imagination.



It's a Memoir about a couple who has a baby that is still born, this couple also goes on to deliever a healthy baby almost exactally a year later. So while I'm sure this will be a difficult book to read it might be helpful as well to see that even though there is an ending there is also a new beginning..whats that saying "With every end comes a new beginning." We need our new beginning...for this reason I have decided to put an end to my Empty Cradle meetings. Our story is sad enough without me adding other's stories to the mix. Really it's just too much, and as we prepare for our new beginning I can't keep holding on to the sadness that will be there regardless. It's one thing to feel it...it's something completly different to bask in it.

Anyway with that being said...have a safe and happy friday night!