pinterest loving pinner

Wow, time sure has gotten away from me here. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I want to get back into blogging. The kids are heading back to school next week, and I think Sophia and I will finally have time to get into some sort of routine. I've become obsessed with pinterest lately as I have noticed many of my friends have done the same. I have close to 10,000 pins. Yes I'm nuts. I may not have much time, but when Sophia and B are sleeping I get some pinning done on my pinterest app, or while we are waiting at the dr, or Sophia is napping. I have small little times during the day to pin, but not many times to actually try out things I have pinned. Here is where my blog comes back into play. I know there are a few blogs out there dedicated to pinterest fails..that's not exactly where I want to take this. The point of this blog was more so baking, crafting, family and ect. I plan stay in that routine. There will most likely be more baking because that's where my heart is, but there is some crafting I would like to do as well as I try to get this house in gear. Bare with me as I figure this out. I can't promise pictures will be pretty, but I can promise there will be pictures. Maybe now I can try out some of my 10,000 pins and see how far I can get!

Hello again

Well hello there old friend. I know every single entry I have posted has been a promise to get back to this. I think it's time now. I turned 29 today. There is so much I want to do this year. I want to get back into baking, crafting, having amazing adventures in paradise, and getting fit. I want to document it all, and I invite you guys to tune in.

Let's start from the beginning

Life has caught up to me. Stress has invaded my life again. We recently once again were uprooted by the military, and are attempting to make a life in paradise again. Seriously living in paradise should be a dream come true, and yet somehow it has been a nightmare since day one. We have run into so many obstacles of course we overcome them, but not without a lot of kicking and screaming (mostly me) along the way. Where oh where do we start? Perhaps we can start with the fact that the kids did not start school here until a week and half, and two weeks into our arrival here. Week one brought Fall break, running around getting physicals, and tb shots only to realize that one of the boys had been exposed to TB. Some test and stress from me later and all was well. This was followed by finding out we had a 6 month wait on the base housing list. Throwing our hands up we began looking for a place in town. While you would think it should be easy to find a home in paradise we found out quickly that money was not on our side. Sadly what we pay in rent we should be well on our way to owning a house.

As if this wasn't enough at some point last week I was bitten by some unknown bug on both legs multiple times. I also found out after 28 years on earth that I am in fact allergic to something. However I'm still not sure what. The bites covering my legs turned into massive red swollen hot welts. For 2 1/2 days it hurt to even stand on my legs. A quick visit to urgent care to convince myself that I was not being tortured by a flesh eating disease I was given a shot of benadryl and Prednisone which it turns out can cause your heart to beat at a rapid speed. How do I know? Why because I had this side effect early this morning. Fun times for all. Surely one day I will be able to look back on this first month in HI and laugh...right?!?

On the bright side we did in fact rent an apartment in a nice area, and if it wasn't for the fact of it being a 3 bedroom instead of 4 we might actually stay put. However this not being the case we will pick up and move again in about 6 months. Early next month we will move into our new home and attempt to find some stability for the next few months.

I wasn't sure if I would come back to blogging as I had been away for so long, but then I realized I do in fact live in paradise, and things will eventually settle down, and I will once again love it here. Also being a stay at home mom I get to find my place in baking, and crafting, and raising the little one. So much fun stuff to share once again!

Somewhere along the way...

I lost track of my blog, and my 101 things in 1001 days. While I realize now some will never be completed I can kinda hope to start from scratch. However reading through my list just now I realized I have accomplished more then I though! Starting with number one on my list.

1. Get Pregnant-after our first round of IUI in October we found out I was infact pregnant Halloween morning! I am now 21 days away from my due date, and couldn't be more excited!

31. Make a baby name sign for our baby-I bought letters for Sophia and completed my first modge podge project. It was a little frustrating at first, but the finished project was more then I could have imagined. I can't wait to get to Hawaii and decorate her nursery, and find something else to modge podge!



46. Buy something from Etsy-This one has been done done done! I can't even begin to tell you the number of things I have purchased from Esty since finding out we are having a baby girl! I have bought everything from hair bows, blankets, ruffled diaper covers, and burp cloths! Etsy is evil!

69. Take my Vitamin everyday for a month-Goes without saying since getting pregnant I've been taking my vitamin longer!

80. Buy a water pitcher-We bought a water pitcher in November, and only keep water bottles in the house when Smartwater is on sale.

All in all I would say that's not bad for not really keeping up with my list!

Another update!

Update number 2 on our little monkey! You can read it here!

http://thejourneytobabyz.blogspot.com/

some news

I know it's been awhile and I'm not sure how much longer it will be but for an update on what's been going on with us you can catch up here


Journey to Baby Z

Getting Fit

I invite you all to join me in this little adventure as I work to get fit. I have somehow managed to gain 16 some odd pounds since starting our fertility journey. I'm a fat? No not by any means, but I'm also not comfortable. I am not happy in my own skin right now. I have reached a weight that I thought I would like to reach, and yet I find myself unhappy and very unattractive. I have decided that I wouldn't might keeping the scale number if I can somehow tighten it up. This had led me to pulling out my Carmen Electra Fit to Strip DVD's and gasp..even the 30 day shred. I must admit I pulled out these videos and did them for a week...a mere 5 days, and I was over it. I worked my little bottom off every day after work, ate better, and dealt with the soreness that came with it. I skipped one day and this quickly turned into a week of not working out. I am not proud of this and as this weekend draws to an end I'm ready to get back on track.

This brings me to my new found love for Bethenny Frankel. While I knew she wrote the Skinny girl books I never really liked her. The reason escapes me now, but I once saw her on an interview and she annoyed me so I decided not to like her. That changed when her new show Bethenny Getting Married came on which lead me to "like" her facebook page, which lead me to discover the Skinny girl Margarita which I then lead me to her website and then her books. A quick look a her website I discovered her recipes were pretty straight forward and didn't include sugar substitutes! This was MAJOR considering my Hungry Girl cookbook did include this. One of her first recipes that I came across was the Healthy Brown Rice Breakfast. As I read the recipe I began to drool...ok not really but pretty dang close. I shared the recipe with B when he got home and on Sunday afternoon I went out and grabbed everything I needed for it. I have found the video of it online and have included it so that you too can drool on it! I just packed my breakfast for tomorrow morning so hopefully it will be a hit! I skipped the vanilla it called for and opted for vanilla soy milk instead. I will update tomorrow evening to let you know how it went!




Speaking of Bethenny she also just released a new yoga dvd that I can't wait to get my hands on! Do I sound like a spokesperson for her yet lol. I hope that she is much kinder then Jillian Michaels!

Since I'm trying to get motivated and in shape I invite you to join me! I'm always looking for someone to help get me going and check in to keep things moving! As you can see on my own I'm no good at all! I will never fit into my dream Christmas dress if I start up a week and then stop for a week at a time!

Before I end this post for the night I wanted to share with ya'll that I am currently working on starting up another blog that will include all things fertility and hopefully at some point soon turn into my baby blog. After much thought I have decided I would like this blog to just be an outlet for Family, baking, crafting, and everyday stuff and not include all things baby. So look for that to start up soon!

Hope everyone had a safe and happy three day weekend! I can't believe fall is just around the corner! I feel good things are in store!

It's been awhile....

A long while. So pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and lets chat. Life currently has me busy. I work all day, and come home at night and try to play little Ms. Housewife. I am so busy that I don't have time for my anxiety. Sure it shows up, but it gets pushed away with everything else going on in my life right now. We are still trying for our forever baby. Next month we will finally be able to move on to IUI, but with that comes injections. I've had some practice the past two cycles, but this time around there will be injections every night. I pray we will be blessed and get our forever baby soon. I'm not sure how much my poor body can go through.

Since I am now working the kids are spending their summer in child care. Lucky for them they get to go on field trips at least 2-3 times a week. It's a much happier summer for them then what they had last year. School starts three weeks from Tuesday for them. I can't believe Anthony will be in the 6th grade and Kobe in the 4th. Where in the world has time gone?

Bryan and I are doing amazing. He is my rock, and more then I could ever ask for. We actually got away from the kids last night and had a date night! These come few and far in between, but when they happen we take advantage! Last night we tried out a Mexican restaurant, and went to see the movie Grown-ups! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Now for the status of this blog. I thought long and hard about whether I was going to keep this blog going or get rid of it all together. I have decided to keep it going, and just make much more of an effort to keep up with it. I'm not sure where it will go. I miss baking so I plan to post a to bake list and get started on that again. I've also looked into taking a cake decorating class. Also, sometime in the near future I hope to start decorating my house so you will get some of that, and I'm still up in the air about how much fertility detail I will go into here. I've not been one to hide what's going on with us, but I'm not sure how much you want to read. However since I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts you might hear a little more then you want.

Thanks for being patient with my long absence...I promise to be around much more! After all fall is right around the corner and we all know how much I love the fall!

Change

It has been a long while since my last post...stay tuned for a new look and feel...will be back soon!

# 4 Find a Job

Tomorrow I start my third week at work! The day I started work was exactly 15 months from when Bryanna passed away, and a day shy of 15 months since I had quit my last job. Going back was hard...especially that day. Now, three weeks later it was a good choice. I love having extra money to shop with, and love to get out of the house daily and do something useful. The kids are settled in after school care, and summer vacation care is paid for. I'm working for a mortgage company, and so far I love it. I do tons of normal office duties, and learn more everyday. I love not having to go to work and change diapers, and actually having a big girl job! Now, if I could just motivate myself to come home and work out I would be good lol. I'm worried that with this job and sitting all day I'm going to gain weight! I must find some healthy snacks to keep at my desk! Ideas are welcome! I also need to learn how to balance my house work! It seems as if I can never catch up on laundry, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is cook dinner! Hopefully as the days go on and I get more into a routine I can fall back into a home routine as well!

Let Go

Today I come to you stressed and anxious. I hadn't planned on posting anything today which is why I left you with the Wordless Wednesday post. I have been feeling sick again lately. I'm not even sure if sick is the right words since I know almost certainty it is in my head. You see I suffer from anxiety. This is something that is about a year old. Well, that's not really true...the anxiety has been around for years, but how extreme it is is fairly new. I have been doing good for the past 3 months, and while that doesn't seem like a long time to most..the severity that it was means that this is a huge step for me. However with the changes that life has brought my way recently I feel myself sinking back into it. My best fried of 7 years just moved away (I have shared this with you), and for the first time in 15 months I am going back to work. I'm a little on edge since it's a new position in something I have never done before! While this is an exciting time it's bringing about change to my life. I find myself nervous because it makes me wonder if we have to put TTC on hold. As I mentioned in a previous post my doctor can't get me in for a new appointment until July. I wonder if when I can get in will I be able to go to the appointments as needed. My new employers know about us TTC and my doctors appointments, and they have been approved. Still I worry.

While I'm being honest with you, I should mention that we haven't been to church in almost a year. While we did attend service on Easter while we were in Texas, we haven't been to our home church since Father's Day. After we lost Bryanna we were really good about going weekly. I needed questions answered and I needed to speak to God and felt the closest place to do so was in church. We were doing so good, but then we missed one mass and that turned into two and before we knew it a month passed, and now almost a year. I'm not happy about these turn of events. I feel like I need God in my life. After Bryanna's passing I wasn't angry with him I just (like i mentioned) had questions. I feel that now the anxiety is taking over again and I'm worry about when and if we will conceive it's time to put my life in his hands again.

I have to admit..while I'm sitting in church I feel so lost. I get lost in the language and my mind wonders. I don't know how to avoid this, but I vow to do better. Last year while we were going into church I found myself interested in watching Fireproof. One of the songs from the movie caught my attention and I feel it's suitable for this situation as well.



I realize this entire process is out of my hands, and sometimes that is hard to admit! I also realize I need to gain patience which to be honest I have none. What little I did have at one time flew out the window last year. I was given some advice not to long ago, let release my worries to God. **Thanks Amber** Complete with that advice she left behind a quote that I find very inspirational.

Psalm 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your path.

I will also leave you with a picture I came across just now that also spoke to me.



***just realized this says I feel to my knees instead of I fell to my knees...eh it gets the point across anyway.***

Wordless Wednesday - Family

Family Photos

I believe it's time for a new family photo. Our last one was taken 3 years ago. I had planned on holding out until we had the baby, but after she passed away we put it on hold even longer. I then wanted to wait until we had a new baby, but as we are closely approaching the 4 year mark from our last family photo I feel now is the time. Our last photo session was in Hawaii. The pictures turned out beautiful...







Do you see how little my boys were! They were babies! I now have big boys on my hands. I often don't realize how big they have gotten until I look at old pictures of them. In these pictures Bryan and I weren't even married yet! Since then the closest to a family picture we have gotten is...



This picture was taken in October, and luckily we all looked decent in it. I have been searching photos online, but I have no idea where to start. Since we did a "scenic" portrait last time I'm thinking it may be nice to go studio this time around. I mean do we wear the same colors again? We got some slack on that last time, but isn't that what people do? I also don't want cheesy studio pics I want something creative and cute. This is the reasoning behind doing photos on location in the past. I know of a place down the street that has amazing reviews, but after looking at his prices he seems a bit pricey. How much do you even pay for family photos? In the past I have paid a lot, but being in Hawaii I thought it was normal. I would rather not go to a studio like Penney's or Sears, and go to someone who does it on their own. I know I'm looking at higher prices this way though...I guess it's time to start getting serious and looking around for somewhere.

Today

Today I sat around all morning and didn't get a thing accomplished. Today I got up around 11ish from the couch and started cleaning my house, making a grocery list, did two loads of laundry and baked some cookies.



Today is my last Monday off for who knows how long. Today I feel somewhat better after being sick Saturday night and all day Sunday. Yesterday I promised myself no more sushi for a long time...if ever again. Yesterday I vegged all day feeling sick and sorry for myself. Today I am on CD2, and just found out I can't get another appointment until July. Today I am a little stressed out because the doctor is allowing me to do a cycle of clomid not monitored. Today I should have gone to the grocery store this morning, but instead I'm going in just a few minutes. Today I realized I miss my best friend, and that being a military family really does suck sometimes. Today I managed to post an entire blog with almost every sentence beginning with today.

What did you do today?

This is the last...

You will hear about is she or isn't she pregnant for awhile. The answer is...No, I'm not. I went out and spent another $15 on test....let's not discuss the things I could have done now with that money instead. Seeing "Not Pregnant" was a whole lot easier then deciphering lines! I'm ok with these results though. Something about the Not making it more final for this month. The lines and the could there be a line really there truly just stinks. I have decided that digital's will be the only way to go from now on. Yes, they are more expensive, but worth my sanity in the end!

Anyway on to other things! Last month I won a giveaway to a blog I read. Women Who Do It All was hosting a giveaway by The Vintage Pearl. Check out both websites they are pretty cool, and the Vintage Pearl has lots of cool things! I had a pretty hard time deciding what I wanted. The necklace that I had wrote down I wanted I decided it would go along with way too many questions, and I just wasn't sure I wanted to deal with that every time I wore it. So I combined two of my favorites can this is what I came up with...





My pictures don't do it justice! It really is just beautiful! The words "you are worth it all" are very significant, they serve as a reminder that everything we are currently going through to get our forever baby will be worth it all one day. Our baby will be worth all the pain of these months of BFN, tears, medications, and weight gain. This necklace came in at a perfect time, and as soon as I got it I put it on to remind myself that it will be OK. One day I will wear this necklace as well when I'm holding on to our forever baby.

I was also in for a huge honor tonight! My best friend Karen called and asked if I wanted to be her son Noah's Godmother. Of course I accepted. It breaks my heart that I can not be there for his baptism on Saturday, but I will do everything in my power to be the best Godmother to him! Now I have to do some shopping to buy him a little cross necklace! I'm so excited about this, and can't wait to plan a visit to see my new little Godson again!

This weekend will most likely find us busy. The kids have a soccer game in the morning, and tomorrow night I'm going out with a friend for Sushi and drinks. Sunday I get to have a girls day of shopping, and somewhere I have to find time to bake and update you guys on all the goings on! I have actually enjoyed updating my blog the past 3 days, so you might just get more of me after all!

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Ode to the Evaporation Line

I struggled for a long time about whether I wanted to go here with this blog. My deciding factor was to go for it. I decided that trying to have a baby is a huge part of my life, and if I leave out that concept you might never get a feel for who I really am. With that being said I do not plan on this blog primarily being used for an outlet of my TTC frustrations.

However today you WILL here my frustrations on TTC. I'm about 14 days past ovulation, and today is 2 weeks from the date of my trigger. My Dr. told me to test today, and after yesterdays negative result I wasn't sure I was going to test today. However about 10am I got the urge to go to the bathroom and couldn't help myself. I took the test and again saw nothing. This led me to pulling apart the test and again nothing. I tossed it in the trash broken and all. Two hours later I find myself back in the bathroom fishing through the trash. It is not without guilt that I share this with you. However as I pulled out the test my heart skipped a beat as I saw a very very light pink line. Of course 2 hours after taking the test I can't be sure if it was a positive test that took a little longer then the allowed 2 mins I gave it, or if it was an dreaded evaporation line!

Of course not knowing which it was I pulled out my camera...



which then lead me to do this...



and this...



and of course this...



I guess if AF doesn't show up in the next few days I will take a digital test and confirm...did I mention I'm obsessed.

I Would Die For That

Sad

Today I am sad. I can't even begin to express how much today sucks. I know I have once again been MIA, but this past month has had me running around from place to place. We got home from Texas about three weeks ago, and since then I have been spending time with my best friend Karen, and her little boys. Today Karen moved away. This is one thing that sucks about being a military family. You get close to people, and eventually they move away. Karen and I met oh about 7 years ago when we were suffering in the lodge in Hawaii. We were both awaiting military housing, and after long days in the hotel room we would meet up outside at night time where she would smoke and we would talk. Later we would meet up a few times around base before finally exchanging phone numbers. There was no looking back at that time we became best friends. She was my shopping buddy, my shoulder to lean on, and my best friend! I saw her through two births, and she saw me through the death of my angel. I don't know where I would have been this past year without her around to listen to me. It's going to suck not being able to hang out with her, or pick up my home phone whenever I want to chat. A 3 hour time difference is a big deal after all. Luckily I'm already plotting a little trip out to visit with her when she gets settled, and I get settled into my new job.

Today also sucks, because it seems as if though I'm managed yet again to fail at yet another medicated cycle. I really felt this was it. I mean really how many pills, and injections does a person have to take before getting a baby. Teenagers have children daily, and yet I want a child so bad and it just won't happen! Seeing a negative pregnancy test hurts so much...and each time I look at one I feel like it is doing this to me...



Yeah I know...really nice and mature, but it's like the damn thing is mocking me. What's the point of getting your hopes up and going out to spend money on a damn obsession of peeing on sticks anyway? What could I be doing with that money instead? Well for starters I could have bought the new Candace Bushnell book yesterday instead. I could happily be sitting here reading instead of being tortured and having taken two test today just to see the same result (refer to eff you pregnancy test above).

So considering the fact that I have no best friend here, and no pregnancy to speak of, it's time that I get my house organized. I mean after all I should be starting a new job in about a week and a half. I should get this house in order so the weeks are much less stressful on me. I should also get back to working on my cross stitch project since I have decided I in fact am going to do my kitchen in a vineyard theme. I mean since I have grown fond of wine and all.

What's for dinner?

If your family is anything like mine then you are constantly hearing "What's for Dinner?" If you are anything like me you write up a grocery list and then forget what you were planning to make. I had recently switched over to typing up a list and sticking it on the fridge. I would then cross of the meals as I went. The only issue with this is my husband somehow got it in his head that the meals would be made in order of how they were listed. Also let's be honest...the white paper taped to my fridge wasn't exactly pretty. A few weeks ago as I was doing my morning routine of looking through blogs I ran across an idea that I knew would work for me!

This little craft was fairly cheap. I bought a small book for scrapbook paper, 2 packs of magnet sheets, and some double sided tape. The "laminated" look on the magnets comes from packing tape! I was a little worried it would look cheesy and cheap but it actually looks really good! I had started this project about two weeks ago, but when it was time for me to do actual measuring for the dinner tiles I put it away. I finally pulled it out Sunday night and went to work. It was actual extremely easy! I measured out 1 tile and then used it as a stencil for the other 30 tiles. I ended up using 5 different sheets of scrapbook paper, but only because I wanted more of a variety. You could easily use 1 or 2 different sheets instead. I finished up the craft yesterday morning while watching TV, and here is the finished product!







Notice how the weekend says we are eating out! Well it's not because I'm a lazy cook, but because we will be on the road! The kids start Spring Break on Monday and so we are off to...




TEXAS!! We are excited since we haven't been home in 2 years! We aren't looking forward to the drive, but being home again will be nice! I seriously can't wait, but still have so much to do to be ready for this trip!